Holding my breath: a poem

I choke down the next gulp like a sip of cough syrup—

Thick but quick and much needed.

The glimpse of him, it hits me like a loss of air under water

The afterschock slow, but the moment sudden and erupting

My eyes turn every direction, hoping to seem distracted

By something else, anything else

Anything to make it seem

Like I didn’t see him

Or that it meant nothing to see him

But it means everything.

The vodka cran floods my brain

An aching nausea in the roundabout of my stomach

Did he see me?

Always shocked by his ability to not respond

My every being urges towards checking the screen

Sliding through apps and sprinkling my fingers up and down

In view and communication with everyone

But him

A layer of world none of us have yet to understand

Yet he seems to be a member with no interest.

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